Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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