That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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