roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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