Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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