Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize