This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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