His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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