apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
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My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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