Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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