So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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