i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize