so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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