I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize