so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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