Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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