We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize