he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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