So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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