He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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