IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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