k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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