he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Too much gin, very little bucket
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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