Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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