I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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