Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize