A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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