I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he thought i was a dude.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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