he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this beer tastes like vomit already
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize