your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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