I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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