I'm eating all of the evidence.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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