it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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