Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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