I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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