The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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