he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize