the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize