Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
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we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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