Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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