You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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