Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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