Where is the hickey?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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