Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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