Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You pole danced in your parka.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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