Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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