is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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