soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize