I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize