At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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