The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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